Isolation

This poem is not the best, but today I found out the person this poem is inspired by died on Christmas Day. He will be greatly missed and I hope he is no longer suffering and he is at peace. I love you, Wolfie.


 

Isolation

If I never noticed,
the scars that I saw, the ones
that crisscrossed all over your arm,
that you tried to hide with a faded blue hoodie.
Would you have told me about the darkness?
The darkness of the branches overhead that blocks out,
even the slither of the moonlight as we walk
through the town late at night, heading back to yours
Cutting us from the world, your breathing quickens, vision
blurring. To the point where you can no longer see me.
You’re secretive these days, you don’t even dare tell
that you spent the whole night cutting deep into skin.
Brushed off as if you are a burden, whose issues
will prick, like the bushes on the ground. No chance.
Not when you are the other side of me. We need each other.
I don’t mind what holds you back. Not the three little pills you
take three times a day. But you ignore them, fallen from your
hand, left on the ground, small pebbles. You know what is right
for you a diagnosis does not tell the whole story. It doesn’t match how you
are when you see me, picking my whole body up in a bear hug.
Your thick hair entangling in mine, I can feel your heartbeat through clothing.
Blue eyes looking into mine, a cheeky smile spread across your face.
I’ve missed you. Ready for the next adventure, walking side by side
picking me up and carrying me so don’t get mud on my boots.
Day turns into night and we are lost.
I know it is dark and you can’t see me, listen out for me, I’m there.
Thing are different now. Aren’t they? I am so far away, the distance
has pulled us apart.
Unable to trust me. I don’t mind that you blamed it all on me.
I’ll let you have your moment. Just please let me have my say.
Don’t shut the world out. We can find the path again, just trust me.
We can find the way home, the moon is still out, that small brightness.
Please remember saying a word won’t work, I want to make sure you’re okay.
I’m sorry, still going to be here, even when you don’t want me too.
A promise was made, when we hugged on your bed after you
told me it all and the silence fell, you chewed on your piercing.
I am not leaving you behind.

 

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Kiss

 

That she can’t change for love/And she explains how long she’s waited for/ She wanted more*

I’m sitting on my bed playing a song that is stuck on repeat. I sing it when walking around our city. I sing it when I wait for you and wonder would you like it.

All I can think about is you, and how things have changed since that November night, when you kissed me, and we kept doing it, every chance we got.

Walking to the library I pass the graveyard with the pyramid and I think about the time you pinned me against the black iron railings and my arms were wrapped around you,

and those girls that leaned out of the taxi and cheered at us, while car horns beeped. You quickly turned sheepish and I told you, -Keep kissing me like that and I will want to fuck you!

Our whole saga started just because you kissed my cheek, because I put dark purple lipstick on you, as I always ask -Please can you let me dress you in drag?

You always say no but you let me do it anyway. You left my cheek stained, I wiped it off -If you are going to kiss me, do it properly.

You clutched my face with your hands, doing what I know you wanted to do months ago when you texted me saying -Is it good or bad I wanted to snog your face off all night?!

The lights dimmed and I am sat on your knee, this time I make the first move, my eyes close from instinct and my fingers feel like static electricity, your hand reached up to my neck.

When we leave the bar, I am wearing your scarf, swinging the end around, You take the ends and pull me towards you, it tightens around my throat, my perfume lingers the next day.

You look at me, you want to kiss me, my back against a wall, but you unravel the scarf and wrap it around your neck. I walk away with someone else whose kisses didn’t match yours.

 

*Gerard Way. Hesitant Alien, Drugstore Perfume. L.A.: Warner Bros. Records, 2014. CD.

Origins

The open land of early civilisation, with nature covering the Earth; bright flowers and trees reaching towards the sky. The grass stood tall, hiding the creatures of the Earth. Standing next to a river was a beautiful young woman with raven hair and bright green eyes that were focussed on the river. She was holding a sharp blade and carved into the wood was runes. She took the knife, slashed open her hands and let blood fall into the water. The blood-tinged the water red.
   ‘By the blood of my body, I call upon the realm of Hades, I summon his body to the Earth. The price of blood paid to the Lord of the Underworld.’ She said.

   Her gaze focussed on the water. Not seeing any change she turned to leave. Suddenly, she felt the ground shake beneath her feet and her eyes focussed back on the river. In the centre of the river, a grand whirlpool appeared, the water twisting rapidly. The animals in the river, disturbed, swarm away in fear. An ancient masthead began to rise from the water. A golden ornament of a three-headed dog, with rubies for eyes, was on the top. The boat continued to rise from the depths. A hooded figure stood in the centre of the boat, the long black clock hiding the stranger’s face, his pale body revealed. When the woman saw him she dropped to her knees and bent her head to him. When the boat reached the edge of the river, he slowly stepped out and outstretched his hand toward her head; she took his hand and kissed it.

  ‘Hearth-woman, Nyx, why have you summoned me from the Underworld?’ said a cold voice.

   ‘My Lord Hades I wish to make a deal with you, I’ve spent years looking for what I desire, every tribe I’ve been to cannot help me, my own sister is powerless. I need your help,’ she said.

   Hades pulled back his hood, revealing his own dark hair and violet eyes. He bent down, his face in hers, and grinned. ‘I think my sweet Nyx, we can make a deal.’ He grabbed her by the hand, bringing her to her feet and pulled her into the boat. She looked at him as he held her body close to him and signalled the boat to go down.

  A few miles away from Nyx and Hades, was Nyx’s home tribe. The huts made from the earth and animal skins, and great blazing fire in the centre of the tribe. Standing next to the fire was Hecate, Nyx’s younger sister, with long white-blonde hair and the roundest blue eyes. Her skin decorated in the bright orange tribal paint. She was holding the hand of her young daughter Aeronwen, the mirror of her mother. Hecate pointed to the fire, she was teaching her about fire and the magical purposes it serves when a disturbance came to the tribe. A tribesman Galen was bringing a wailing woman with a bundle in her arm towards Hecate.

   ‘Another one Hecate, again further down the river. Can you help her?’ He said. Hecate let go of her daughter’s hand and took the bundle from the woman, and went to the biggest hut. The bundle was laid gently on the floor, she slowly unwrapped to reveal a baby. Hecate wiped away a tear and saw Aeronwen in the doorway.

   ‘Aeronwen, gather for me the crystals and the pots.’ Said Hecate. Ignoring the mother’s continuous cries she bent down over the child examining the body. She found two small pinpricks on the neck of the child. She closed her eyes. ‘Not again, I do not know what to do. This is dark magic,’ she thought. Her concentration broken by Aeronwen putting the items down beside Hecate. She looked up at her young daughter and kissed her hand. She dipped her fingers into one of the jars and drew symbols onto the baby’s body. She placed the crystals around the body and whispered ‘O mother Hera, reveal to me the cause of this grief. A young gift is taken by dark magic.’ The crystals united and cast an orb above the body, the orb revealed golden eyes and sharp white canines. Hecate jumped back from the image in fear. Her body trembling, a creature unknown to light magic. She grabbed the body and removed it from the hut. She took the body of the young child to its mother.

  ‘Burn the body, dark magic has taken her,’ she said.

   The mother took the child, tears now silent and turned to leave the tribe’s camp. She hurried over to Aeronwen, held her body close to hers and kissed her head. ‘Galen, we need to protect all the young children, a monster is coming, I don’t know how to save us. All I know when the sun goes down we are in danger.’ Hecate said to him while clutching her daughter closer to her.

  ‘Has Hades finally revealed what it is this creature, he must know death is his domain?’ Said Galen.
   Hecate shook her head, ‘I asked Hera, she just showed me eyes and fangs. The last time I called Hades he just said the answer is coming to me. He is happy for as long as he receives souls. He will not help us. Tell Alec to be on watch, this monster cannot end us all.’ She said as she walked away, holding Aeronwren’s hand. They walked to the river together.

   At nightfall when Hecate was watching the fire, a figure came through the tribe. Hecate looked up to see her older sister, who hadn’t aged in the ten years she had been gone. Nyx with all the grace of a cat walked towards Hecate her arms outstretched, her skin pale in the moonlight. Hecate rushed towards her sister. When they embraced, Hecate recoiled; Nyx’s skin was as cold as ice.           

   ‘Sister you’re so cold, please come warm yourself by the fire!’ Said Hecate, dragging Nyx to the flames. 

   Nyx stared into the crackling fire, Nyx’s eyes flashed amber, red, yellow.  She was still, her behaviour was puzzling to Hecate, her sister unchanged. 

      ‘Nyx you look  the same  as when you left us what did you do?’ Said Hecate, tilting her head.                                                                                                   

       Nyx rolled her eyes before taking hold of her sister’s hand, still cold to the touch even after standing next to the fire. ‘My sister I did what I set out to do, my journey was, of course, difficult,’ said Nyx as she turned away from Hecate ‘I was alone especially considering Alec refused to join me. I ended up making a deal with Hades.’  Nyx glanced her eyes around the camp, spotting Alec standing at his post, he had grown up. His face had a few lines etched on his face. Nyx brought her hands up to her smooth face.  She turned back to her sister, her already pale face losing all the colour she possessed, the fire making her look ashen.

   ‘What have you done sister?’ said Hecate, her hands wrapped in her hair. ‘How could you trust Hades?’

   Nyx smiled expecting the response ‘I got what I want, at first it was every soul I took for Hades he would extend my youth by a year,’ she replied, her smile turned into a frown ‘I soon got bored of that, but an old woman soon approached me and told me I could become immortal with an old spell, to drain the blood of seven babies and drink their blood, I could be young forever.’

   Hecate retched and fell to her knees after hearing what her sister had done to claim her youth. She looked at her sister and thought she would never take the life of another for youth.  Nyx bent down towards her sister, taking her face in her hands. ‘I’m afraid it gets worse, little sister, Hades found out I betrayed him, so he cursed me, not only did I have to drink blood to get my youth. I now have to drink blood to stay alive,’ she said before laughing. 

    The images of all the bodies drained of blood came before Hecate’s eyes, she recoiled in horror. ‘It was you! You are the monster!’ said Hecate, looking around for a weapon.  Nyx pounced on her sister like a jungle cat pinning her further to the floor.

    ‘No little sister you are not going to kill me. The great witch of the river.’ Nyx took her sister’s throat into her hands and opened her mouth wide to reveal two large fangs. She sank them into Hecate’s neck and began to drink her blood. As she felt her sister weaken she stood up, crimson smearing her sister’s neck and her mouth. She walked away from Hecate and went towards the tent of Alec’s family. There before her sleeping was his younger brother, Nyx loved his youth, she bent over his sleeping body and began to drink his blood, when his heart was close to stopping, she bit into her wrist and let her blood fall into his mouth. When she was sure what she had done, she left the tent, knowing that when he awoke he would be filled with hunger and the tribe that abandoned her would pay.

Dinner with The Devil

He was fiddling with his tie, adjusting the tightness. It didn’t matter how loose he made it, he still felt as if a hand was holding his throat.

  He was sat down, at a long wooden dining room table, a bouquet of flowers in the centre, with a single chair at each end. The chairs were surprisingly comfortable, as he remembered from the last time. The room hadn’t changed in fourteen years. The paintings on the walls were still there. He looked straight at the one behind the empty chair, for now, the dragon looked like he was sleeping, but he knew as soon as the fireplace was lit, the dragon would have a menacing gaze.

 His host for the moment was preoccupied. But he had the feeling he was trying to make him sweat. His suit was becoming tighter and the room had the strong fragrance of Lilies.

When he had been here before the smell didn’t bother him. Now it makes him think of funerals. His hand was now twisting his cufflinks. He was becoming aware, that once again, he was having dinner with the Devil.  He heard the strong rapid footsteps. He closed his eyes.

  The Devil was on his way, he walked into the room and Jason sat down, not facing the entrance. He lightened his footsteps, to walk unnoticed.  He came up behind him and rested his pale hands upon his shoulders. His long fingers digging into Jason’s body. Jason looked up, his lips set and his eyes focussed.

  The Devil knew he was scared, when he put his hands on him, his thumb lightly grazed his neck. His pulse was running wild.

‘Did somebody forget their manners? You should stand when your host arrives, Jason,’ said The Devil.

 Jason opened his mouth to speak. The Devil placed his finger on his lips. His unnatural golden eyes piercing into his grey. His cheekbones pronounced from his thin face.  He began to walk away, leaving Jason to shiver from his touch. The Devil’s long hair was tied up, going down the length of his back. When The Devil walked past the fireplace, he clicked his fingers at it, transforming the room. As a warm glow cast over, the paintings came to life. On one side, paintings of people being thrown into Hell. The other side, the Garden of Eden. Jason was right about the Dragon, its dark red eyes looked straight into his soul. When The Devil sat down facing him, he swore he heard the dragon laugh.

 ‘Welcome back Dearie, I presume this isn’t a catch up between old friends,’ said The Devil, as his head rested on his bridged fingers.

‘We aren’t friends, you planned this,’ Jason said, as he planted his hands on the table.

 ‘Planned what? I suppose we aren’t friends if you are to use that tone with me,’ said The Devil as he put his hands down and began to straighten his tie.

 ‘You knew my wife would die and my daughter would be left an orphan before she was 16,’ he said.

 ‘Oh that my dear, I would never plan. I had no reason to take your wife if you remember the deal, I only said I would take you,’ he said looking straight at Jason.  ‘I’m The Devil, not a politician, I do have a little integrity.’

 ‘Says The Devil, who God kicked out of Heaven after an uprising,’ Jason mumbled, The Devil heard him and his face contorted.

 ‘Perhaps Dearie, this will go better with a meal,’ He said as he walked to the mantle place and took down a brass bell and rang it three times.

 The dinner was served, by a pretty girl, her whole body was tense. She placed a plate in front of Jason, he turned down the choice of wine, wanting only water. She placed a single glass of wine in front of The Devil, she bowed her head slightly at him. The dinner roast beef, a crisp brown on the outside, pink on the inside, blood spilling out. The knife slipped through the meat as easily as if it was melted butter. Jason, under the gaze of The Devil, began to eat.

 The Devil had no plate in front of him. All he had was what appeared to be red wine. But the stains on the glass did not appear as if it was. The liquid barely stirred when he brought it to his lips. It tainted his mouth like paint. Jason grimaced and pushed his half eaten food to the side.

 The Devil ran his finger over the rim of the glass, his eyes never looking away from Jason.

‘So why have you come back?’ he said not even looking at Jason.

‘I want to cancel the deal,’ said Jason as he twisted at his wedding band.

The Devil looked at him, a smirk spread across his face before he started to laugh.

 ‘Oh Dearie, aren’t you brave, even I don’t go back on a deal,’ he said standing, as he walked down towards him.

 He shrank back into his seat, his back firmly pressed against the leather of the chair his palms sweating.

  ‘Actually, I don’t think you are brave, I think you are stupid,’ he said as he planted both hands on Jason’s face.

‘Please, I can’t leave my daughter an orphan,’ he said, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

 The Devil tilted his head, and smirked again and bent his face close to Jason’s.

 ‘We made a deal Dearie, I take your life and soul when she is 15 years old,’ he said as he moved his hands to his neck, pressing his thumb down.

‘I don’t want to leave her on her own, she has no one else, it isn’t fair!’ He said.

‘Dearie life isn’t fair, she won’t be the only orphan in the world, I haven’t seen my father since I got kicked out of heaven,’ The Devil’s face softened as he said this, he pulled away from Jason. He pressed his hand to his temple, eyes closed.  Once his back was turned a small smile appeared on his face.

 

A woman wearing black heels and a tight dress walked into the room. Her hair was dark, long and wavy. In her hands was a dark red leather file. She went straight to The Devil barely casting her eyes at Jason.

 ‘Thank you, Lilith, stay.’ He said taking the file from her and placing it on the table, she perched herself next to him. Her eyes watching him as he pulled out papers, sorting them into two different piles.

 Jason’s eyes widened when he saw that one of the papers had his signature. He twitched. When his eyes met Lilith’s her eyes switched from blue to gold.

 She flicked through the paper’s The Devil placed in front of her. Her eyes slowly scanning, her lips pouting slightly. A pen poised in her hand

   ‘Sire, would this help?’ she said as she passed, a piece over, she had circled a small passage. He took it from her and glanced at it.

 

 The King of Hell has right to alter this agreement depending on circumstances, as long as the seller is aware and is in agreement. If the agreement is altered, the right of use of Hellhounds for soul removal is relinquished.

 

  ‘When did I put that there?’ he said as he arched his eyebrows.

 ‘It has been on the contract for a few centuries sire,’ she said slightly bowing her head down.

 ‘I’ve become soft in my old age Lilith, Jason it is your lucky day,’ he said narrowing his eyes at the contact, carefully reading each word.

Jason opened his mouth slightly, his breath stopped cold, he could not believe it. Had he just got lucky with The Devil? He stood up and shook The Devil’s hand.

 ‘Thank you, my daughter isn’t going to be an orphan.’

  Lilith started shrieking with laughter, she wasn’t making any attempt to cover it up. The Devil was smirking and he could even hear the dragon laugh.

The hairs on the back of Jason’s neck tingled, the sweat running down his back felt like ice.   The taste of blood and bile was rising in his throat. The Devil’s hand had left his hand and his pale fingers gripped him by the tie.

‘I never said I was cancelling our agreement dearie, I am just going to change the details. I said I would take you when she was 15, all I am going to do is raise the number,’ he said as narrowed his gaze.  

  Jason’s eyes widened, his pupils enlarged and his mind went straight to his daughter. Who at this moment didn’t know her life was in the process of once again changing. She was probably fast asleep, with her arm around their cat.

  ‘The deal is, I will give you until she is 25, take it or she is an orphan at 15,’ he said removing his hand. He clicked his fingers and a new contract appeared on the table.

Jason snatched the pen from Lilith’s hand and signed.

 

‘Are you really just going to give him ten years with his daughter Sire?’ Lilith said, tilting her head with her finger under her bottom lip.

 The Devil strode over to her and gripped her throat, as he pressed his thumb down across her windpipe. She clawed at his hand while gagging.

    ‘Are you stupid,  you are aren’t you dearie?’ he said as he slammed her down onto the table, ‘I hate demons they just don’t see the bigger picture, I never said I would leave the girl alone, I am going to use her, I think the world is finally ready for a Nephilim,’ he released her throat and walked away leaving her on the table.

  ‘With who?’

‘Who better than myself,’ he said leaving the room.

Time is Fleeting

‘Why is he always so late?’ Ellie thought as she leaned against the wall, she could see both entrances from where she was standing. She turned the volume up on her iPod.

  People kept glancing at her, she ducked her head, tucked hair strand behind her ear. She walked from her spot to the shop in the station. At least it is something to do. She took one of the bottles from the fridge and purchased it and walked back out. Her spot on the wall still empty.

  Ellie’s phone buzzed, a text from him.

              sorry am late, just woke up. Be there in 20 x

  ‘One day I am going to fucking murder you,’ she said as she texted back her response and shoved it back in her pocket.

  At least she could people watch there are all kinds of people to see in bus stations. She could see the coach stops perfectly, a guy a couple of years older than her had a small bouquet of flowers behind his back. He kept checking his watch, he looked excited.

   At least someone can be on time.’

  People rushed out to collect their bags. When a girl her age stepped out the coach, with a plain black suitcase and came into the station, flower boy smiled. When she looked up she beamed at him, his own smile wider. She rushed forward and he presented her with the flowers, she kissed him on the cheek first before taking them in her hands.

No one has ever bought me flowers in my whole life.’ thought Ellie as she brought her hand to her mouth and gently bit.

  He had yet to appear. The clock on the wall said he would be here in two minutes. She slung her bag around her body and placed her hands on the wall behind her to help hoist herself up.  

  ‘Boo!’ said a guy’s voice in her ear.

  ‘You’re late, again,’ Ellie said as she looked at him, her face set straight.

  ‘I’m not that late, I said I’d be twenty minutes.’ He said before smiling putting his hands on her waist.

  She shook her head before taking her phone out of her pocket, scrolled through the messages and showed him the one she was looking for.

  ‘What time does it say we were meeting?’ She asked.

  ‘Eleven…’ he said, smile dropping from his face.

‘What time is it now?’ She said moving away from him, her arm pointing to the clock.

‘Twelve, I’m sorry Ells Bells, do you forgive me?’ He said as he pulled her toward him and kissed her.

She pulled back slightly smiling. ‘Nope, you owe me.’

He nodded before taking her hand, they walked out of the station. She looked at him and frowned slightly.

‘I shouldn’t have to put up with this.’

Widow’s Nest

In a London penthouse, gazing out of the window at the skyline,

a glass of red in her hand, is her, the recent widow.

She tilts her head, slightly swirling the glass, pouting.

 

Her wedding bands already shifted to her right hand,

her recently departed husband only been in the ground twelve hours.

This has become a routine for her.

 

Husband number three, a young wealthy heir, found dead,

in a hotel room. His widow reported to be inconsolable,

why they had only been married four months.

 

Taken a handful of pill, the police reported his widow,

claimed to the press she was unaware of his mental state,

or how he got the pills, he was always so happy.

 

Husband number two, a different story.

He was an older man, twice her age in fact,

but still so young, was unexpected when he died.

 

A heart attack, the coroner ruled.

The detective on the case, was still unconvinced,

it didn’t seem right when he told the widow, she didn’t even react.

 

Husband number one, was a big story,

he was her first love, they had been together

since they were 18, tragically killed at 24.

 

She had gone out with her friends, he was sat at home,

relaxing alone, drinking a few beers. He was murdered,

a burglary gone wrong, nothing of value stolen.

 

The Widow’s phone chirps. Vibrating on the coffee table.

A dating profile notification, six new matches.

She strolls over and picks it up, starts scrolling through.

 

Doctor, CEO, Lawyer…An actor. She purses her lips.

She starts to type. She puts the phone back into position.

She walks to a cabinet, removes her rings and places with the others.

Just Hello

 

Did you even think of me when you typed that as a title?

Your only consideration of me can only be passed off as small talk,

   Hope you are okay and doing great at uni.

If you really cared you wouldn’t have sent me an email at 8:57 AM. You can think about me but forget it instantly. Like I do with you.

Your one-sided conversation turns back to what you want and how

 I miss our chats

Give up! You don’t miss that, you miss your control. I’m sick of seeing you pop up on my phone, facebook, skype, email etc. You will always want more. An email, a call, facetime, a picture, live masturbation, sex. I know how you work. We’ve done this time and time again.

 

Why don’t you have the gall to say what you really want or that you don’t really love your girlfriend.  Because how can you when behind her back you keep wanting me?

I don’t have a girlfriend

Don’t lie to me, I’m not stupid. I know, I’ve always known.

I’ve let you go and I feel like someone who was struggling underwater, who was falling from the blue to the black. But my instinct kicks in and I swim to the sun to come back up for air.

But your return keeps trying to push me back under.

We should talk Lauren.

Lauren?

Lauren??

Why are you ignoring me????

I can still see the distorted light. When I can feel myself giving up. I have someone who will jump in and pull me back up and take me back on the sand. When I shake from fear, wraps their warm body around me and just tell me they are there,

-It’s okay, I’ve got you.

but in your eyes, you’ve done nothing wrong. In that case take this in, how every time we parted ways after you manipulated me for sex. I curled up on trains, buses, my bed. With wet eyes and red welts on my arms from my own hand, nails dug in waiting for the sting.

You want it really!

Just one last time.

You know you enjoy it, we’re good together.

Come on Kitten, for me.

You can trust me. I am the only one who 100% believes in you.

Needing that pain to be physical became a thing with me. How I ended up taking a craft knife and carved lines into my hips -blood peeking through, like small jewels on a string. Where your hands went when you fucked me.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Nothing now, I have better control over my emotions. But I still have your disgusted face lingering in my head when I tell people, what I am thinking and I apologise for being human.

-You don’t have to say sorry for getting emotional!! Ever!

Don’t come back.  Paddling in the shallows is enough. I can run out, walk away, with someone who cares.